Uncomfortably Numb
It’s official (at least to me) that I am in a parenting rut. Last Monday our playdate was semi-awful, but it did highlight that I’ve become numb to crying. Zoe wasn’t sharing, Sabrina was cranky, and then Kate fell off a low chest in the play area. A few minutes passed after picking her up to comfort her, and I asked why everyone was cranky. My friend had to suggest that maybe she was hurt. Yikes – why didn’t I think of that. It’s just that the cry sounded like every other cry that seemingly goes on all day. (Keep in mind, school was out for holiday break at the time of the playdate.) As if I needed more evidence, at the end of the playdate my friend’s 9-month old girl was crying when she was put into the car seat, as my friend was gathering her belongings. It took me a few minutes before I realized I could actually do something about it, by entertaining her with the jack-in-the-box she had been playing with. In the past if I heard a crying baby I sprang into action, but now it was if I didn’t even hear it.
I used to have the philosophy that if my girls were happy, then I’m happy. But then I realized – heh, sometimes I want to be happy even if they’re not happy. Call it survival instinct, to be rather dramatic, or maybe just the desire to decouple our linked emotions. I think that’s when the ability to shut out the crying started, and it does have some benefits, though numbness is an unfortunate side effect. Now, what to do about it?
